craveytrain

While this site is in limbo, my wife and I will be blogging @ Casa Cravey (That’s casacravey.com). It’s mostly family stuff, probably nothing too scathing, but with lots of fun pictures. Go over, check it out.

I have found 2 articles worth linking to in the same week. The only reason i didn’t link to this earlier is it took me a while to read the whole thing.

This is a very well researched, organized and written piece on How America Lost the War on Drugs. It talks about all the efforts the government has gone through, the failures, the misfires, the half-baked attempts, the crusade-like fervor misspent. In the end, it talks about the only measures which are showing any success, lessening the demand of the market. It’s well worth the time to sit down and give it a read.

I am enamored with history. History of my world, my country, my state, my family, myself. I find it very engaging and educational. Though I’m a science and math geek, if I were to ever teach anything, it would be history. One of the beautiful things about history is the multiple facets a story takes on as it is told through different perspectives. History is written by the victor.

But occasionally evidence of a repressed memory, a time intentionally forgotten, comes to light and creates a small chink in the armor we have created to preserve this pristine visage we can fondly look back on. But honesty is necessary in history. It keeps all things in perspective. That is probably why I found this colorful glimpse of early baseball so fascinating. Believing that all men were gentlemen and all women were ladies paints a pretty, if not boring, picture. However, the color of truth makes it all the more captivating.

Btw, the color of truth is blue. It is not for the faint of heart.

We are back and it was a great, albeit long, trip. It was a beautiful wedding and a blissful honeymoon. However, I have tales to tell. Really, just my perspective on things. Though these aren’t in chronological order, I thought I would start with the story that has been told a couple times already so it has some form.

“And here is your bidet” our butler told us as he gave us a tour of our villa. I had heard of a bidet, but I had never actually seen one. See, down in Texas, we uh… just use paper. And admittedly, even in my time traveling, I have never happened across one. I knew what it was for, and honestly, I was curious. I was determined to figure it out.

I took a gander at it, it had a hot water knob on the left, a cold water knob on the right and a knob in the middle. Ok, not unlike a shower. There’s a bulbous looking water spout in the bottom of the bowl. It’s like an upside down shower head. Ok, I see where this is going. Or so I thought.

After dancing around the idea of trying it out for a day or so, the humidity and just perpetual sweating got the best of me. I was gonna give it a shot (no pun intended). So, turn on the hot water, it starts filling up the bowl from the sides similar to how a toilet does when you flush it. Well, I do know what this device is for, and I’m not about to stick my hands down in that bowl. So I add a little cold to try to get a warm water. I turn the middle knob just a bit, to try to get a water fountain effect. Just high enough for me to feel the water without having to dunk my hand in the bowl. Seemed ok.

Then I really started to consider how to use this apparatus. I mean, how do you mount this thing? I see the knobs are in the back, do you face the knobs so you have control? But it’s shaped like a toilet bowl, so I sit like I would on a toilet bowl? But that means I have to reach behind me to control the temperature and water pressure. That doesn’t seem natural. Then I really notice something that threw me off and ended up being my demise.

There is no seat on this thing. It’s like a toilet without a seat. Just a porcelain bowl. I have visions of what the toilet bowl can look like in my house with the seat up and decide, there is no way I’m sitting directly on that. It looks clean enough, sure. But still, no way. Turns out, that was exactly what I should have done.

So, I decide to do the chick thing and squat over it. Unfortunately, I forgot to take gravity into consideration in all this. I got into what I thought was position and turned up the water pressure. That’s where things got messy.

First off, I initially missed. When I say I missed, I mean I was soaking my inner thigh. Just totally missed the important parts all together. Ok, adjust. But wait, why was my calf wet? Crap, I didn’t squat down far enough, the water is running down my leg. And into my shoes. Yes, at my ankles were my underwear, my pants, socks and shoes, now totally soaked. So now I’m reaching behind me, looking for the water pressure knob to turn it off and that is causing me to move and water is spraying everywhere. Both legs, up my shirt, up my nose, even in my hair (turns out I had the water pressure up way higher than it needed to be). By the time I get it turned off, I am completely soaked from head to toe and there is standing water in the toilet room. It’s leaking out under the door and my wife is asking what the hell I am doing in there. Thankfully I had the door locked so she couldn’t come in and see for herself. I went straight to the shower, did not pass go, did not collect $200.

Since then I have looked up how to use it and if I encounter one again, I may actually try it again, maybe.

I know, it’s been a long time since I have posted. Honestly, I just haven’t had anything original to say that wasn’t uttered by every groom-to-be. But today, today I had an experience blog worthy.

I am getting married this Saturday. Yes, this Saturday. I took the rest of the week off, starting today, to get things together. Today was my day to run errands. One of those errands was to run to the grocery store. As a soon to be husband, I was doing the responsible thing and purchasing condoms. Do I want kids? Yes. Do I want kids in 9 months? No.

So, while there, perusing my options (I’m like this about everything, I have to evaluate every option), an older gentleman (probably mid 50s) was being shown where the condoms were by a supermarket employee. He notices me shopping for the same product as I grab a couple boxes and he says “So, do you like those?” Uh… pardon me? I’m a little weirded out, a strange man just asked me how I like my condoms.

He notices the uneasy look on my face and tells me he was divorced yesterday and figured getting some condoms was the responsible thing to do. Plus, he said it made him feel like he was gonna be ok. He told me back in the day they were all really small and uncomfortable and was looking for advice on what to get. I explained to him the sizing of condoms and gave a few other tidbits of wisdom.

Then he reached for the “warming sensation” condoms.

“Uh, you don’t want those. Trust me.” He thanked me, grabbed a couple different boxes and told me before he walked off, “Good Luck”.

I replied with the only thing that came to mind, “Happy Hunting”.