craveytrain

We are back and it was a great, albeit long, trip. It was a beautiful wedding and a blissful honeymoon. However, I have tales to tell. Really, just my perspective on things. Though these aren’t in chronological order, I thought I would start with the story that has been told a couple times already so it has some form.

“And here is your bidet” our butler told us as he gave us a tour of our villa. I had heard of a bidet, but I had never actually seen one. See, down in Texas, we uh… just use paper. And admittedly, even in my time traveling, I have never happened across one. I knew what it was for, and honestly, I was curious. I was determined to figure it out.

I took a gander at it, it had a hot water knob on the left, a cold water knob on the right and a knob in the middle. Ok, not unlike a shower. There’s a bulbous looking water spout in the bottom of the bowl. It’s like an upside down shower head. Ok, I see where this is going. Or so I thought.

After dancing around the idea of trying it out for a day or so, the humidity and just perpetual sweating got the best of me. I was gonna give it a shot (no pun intended). So, turn on the hot water, it starts filling up the bowl from the sides similar to how a toilet does when you flush it. Well, I do know what this device is for, and I’m not about to stick my hands down in that bowl. So I add a little cold to try to get a warm water. I turn the middle knob just a bit, to try to get a water fountain effect. Just high enough for me to feel the water without having to dunk my hand in the bowl. Seemed ok.

Then I really started to consider how to use this apparatus. I mean, how do you mount this thing? I see the knobs are in the back, do you face the knobs so you have control? But it’s shaped like a toilet bowl, so I sit like I would on a toilet bowl? But that means I have to reach behind me to control the temperature and water pressure. That doesn’t seem natural. Then I really notice something that threw me off and ended up being my demise.

There is no seat on this thing. It’s like a toilet without a seat. Just a porcelain bowl. I have visions of what the toilet bowl can look like in my house with the seat up and decide, there is no way I’m sitting directly on that. It looks clean enough, sure. But still, no way. Turns out, that was exactly what I should have done.

So, I decide to do the chick thing and squat over it. Unfortunately, I forgot to take gravity into consideration in all this. I got into what I thought was position and turned up the water pressure. That’s where things got messy.

First off, I initially missed. When I say I missed, I mean I was soaking my inner thigh. Just totally missed the important parts all together. Ok, adjust. But wait, why was my calf wet? Crap, I didn’t squat down far enough, the water is running down my leg. And into my shoes. Yes, at my ankles were my underwear, my pants, socks and shoes, now totally soaked. So now I’m reaching behind me, looking for the water pressure knob to turn it off and that is causing me to move and water is spraying everywhere. Both legs, up my shirt, up my nose, even in my hair (turns out I had the water pressure up way higher than it needed to be). By the time I get it turned off, I am completely soaked from head to toe and there is standing water in the toilet room. It’s leaking out under the door and my wife is asking what the hell I am doing in there. Thankfully I had the door locked so she couldn’t come in and see for herself. I went straight to the shower, did not pass go, did not collect $200.

Since then I have looked up how to use it and if I encounter one again, I may actually try it again, maybe.

I tend to have a phonographic memory (that auditory, not porn, for the adjective challenged). Ok, so I just made that up. I’m not sure what you call it, but I tend to remember sounds better than pictures, numbers or any other sorts of things. Maybe you call it aural (again, that’s listening, not oral, you pervs). Combine that with a reasonably decent ear for music theory and it leads to lots of aural deja-vu.

I go to church with my fiancee from time to time. The services we go to are a bit more modern than your average high church in that there’s not a lot of preaching down from the pulpit. I would say a good half to 3/4 of the service is music. Mostly more modern style songs, not a lot of Ava Maria or anything like that. However, at least once every couple trips I find myself leaning over to the fiancee and asking, “Does this tune sound familiar? I swear the chorus melody is from an Elton John song.” Yes, I have just admitted in public I listen to Elton John. Yes, I know the repercussions of such an action hence the reason I made it a point to mention the fiancee in the same sentence.

I find this a lot, with a lot of different genres. I have to say, I used to be a big hip-hop/rap fan, but they really are the worst about it. Of course, it’s called “sampling” and it’s considered a mainstay of the genre these days. I just have more respect for someone that can throw a unique sound behind the more modern lyrics. Though, sometimes my own supposed youth gets in the way of my judgement.

Considering I was born in 78, there was a lot of music made before my time. A lot of really great music. In fact, most of the really great music, imho. So I don’t always hear music in the order it was made. Quite to the contrary most of the time it seems. I remember when I heard Gwen Stefani - Luxurious I wasn’t crazy about it, but was further put off by the fact that she used Biggie - Big Poppa musical accompaniment. I found out later that day the actual tune was from Isley Bros - Between The Sheets. I should have guessed. It’s always the Isley Bros. Man, I hope those guys have a good laywer, cause they should be rich on all the samples people have used of their music.

But the latest (and probably most embarassing) installment in this saga hit me today while I was working and behooved me to write this little article. I was listening to my iPod on random. And when I say random, I mean truly random. I have classical to country to rap to rock to everything in between. A classical track came on, Bach - Menuet in G Minor. I was coding along when all of a sudden a couple bars sounded eerily familiar. Harkening back to my childhood, I repeated the segment, trying to find out where I recognized the tune from. After a couple playbacks, I got it: Zelda. The original Zelda. My favorite video game of all time. That theme song has been ingrained into my head after as many hours as I have dedicated to those pixels. I am sure I have heard that Menuet before, giving myself the benefit of the doubt, the first time was probably in high school. But Zelda, I have to go back to elementry school to remember the last time I played it. Yet another example if inspiration. Though, to be honest, I didn’t knock Zelda down a rung because it didn’t have unique music. Call me out for having double standards, but that was one hell of a game.

And yes, I will own the Wii, and I will buy the Zelda game for it. You can bet on it.

Well, my B-day is coming up soon, Feb 26th. I thought I would make a list easily accessible for those interested. I don’t know how I can be more blantant, buy me stuff!

This is a working list

Cooking

• The Best Recipes in the World by Mark Bittman
• 10” Steel Knife Sharpener
• My Weigh i5000 - Digital Kitchen Scale
• Stainless Steel Measuring Spoons
• Non-Stick 10” Omelette Pan
• Stainless Steel Set of 4 Measuring Cups
• 4-Cup Angled Measuring Cup
• Stainless Steel 16pc Mixing Bowl with Lids

Movies/Shows

• The Lord of the Rings - The Motion Picture Trilogy (Special Extended DVD Edition)
• The Ultimate Matrix Collection
• Rescue Me - The Complete First Season

Music

• Gov’t Mule - The Deep End, Vol. 1
• Gov’t Mule - The Deep End, Vol. 2

Wow, I mean, this hydrocodone stuff is just awesome. I am sitting here at work, and just internally commenting on how good I feel. This is dangerous stuff…

Granted, at this point I am still in legitimate pain when it wears off, so I have every reason to use it. Friends don’t let friends blog on drugs…

It’s only been a few days since my surgery, but I gotta wonder what the hell I was thinking. This sucks ass. I mean, it’s really pretty trivial in the world of injuries, but it just sucks. I had forgotten how much I hate crutches. On the upside, my grandmother and her husband came into town to help me out. They drove me to the hospital and kept me company while I was there. Since then, the burden of my caretaking has rested on my girlfriend. She’s done a good job. I have not gone hungry or been in pain. She’s been quite attentive (despite my rather independant nature which refuses assistance).

I get this splint off Friday and get into a walking cast. Hopefully then I will be better. Showers will still be… awkward, but at least I will be able to walk around again.