craveytrain

I ride 2 elevators at least twice a day (not including lunch). 1 from the garage to the ground level and 1 from the ground level up to my office. Riding elevators is pretty old bag for me. I know when to push my own buttons or to ask the person in front of the panel to hit them for me so as to not invade their personal space. I know where to stand in the elevator no matter how many people and of whatever gender are in it. Strangly enough, it’s very similar to the urinal rules but add women to the mix.

But the one thing I don’t get is what to look at when you are in the elevator. This seems like a silly question at first. Why does it matter what you look at? Have you have ever been in an elevator, watched the person getting in the elevator, watched their eyes to make eye contact and nod, smile or make other gestures of greeting and after a while realize you are staring at a stranger in the elevator. Even if they look now, how weird is that? You have been staring at them since they got in the elevator. No, that’s not creepy “Mr. unshaven t-shirt and jeans” in an elevator of suits. Even worse is when you make eye contact with the person getting in, expecting a greeting smile (maybe even a nod or a hello if they are especially friendly), but instead get a dead pan look and frequent fertive suspicious glances for the rest of your time in that box. It can make those few seconds seem an eternity. I actually start sweating when this happens.

Again, urinal regime would dictate you look straight ahead, and most of the time it’s that simple. You just look straight ahead at the door awaiting it’s opening. Sure, it feels a little awkward and very unfriendly, but you don’t get the “get the hell away from me creepy unshaven guy” look. So it would appear this is the lesser of 2 evils. However, the 2nd elevator I take up to the office has a full front wall of very polished mirrored steel. So when you look straight ahead, you see a reflection of everything behind you. Today that would be a woman who very obviously thought I was staring at her in the reflection. I focused to her in the reflection after a gruff sigh from behind me and I see a scowl unbecoming of a scoundal, much less a young lady. What do I do now? Do I confess I wasn’t looking at her? Too late, she’ll never believe it. Nevermind, just wait it out. As the doors opened, I shook my head and walked out of the box of awkward hell. I am really stumped as to what I could have done better.

So today a few of us were sitting at Texadelphia for lunch (the one downtown that took over Wendy’s @ 7th & Congress). We were close to the door, but my back was to the door as I was watching the TV. I see a shadow next to me and “feel” someone behind me. You know how you can just feel someone is behind you sometimes, it was like that. Then the smell hit. It was a vagrant. I didn’t think much of it until I saw an arm next to my shoulder. WTF?! A hand in my fries. WTF?! I look up and see this homeless lady gobble a handful of my fries. Holy WTF?! Thank god I was done eating already. She walked off. I sat there staring at mamacita and another lunch companion. I can’t believe I didn’t do or say anything. What kept me in my chair?

After the moment had passed logic started to set in. What would happen if I got up and kicked this bum’s ass right here in the restaurant? Is that the kinda image I want to portray? Beating up a homeless woman? Over some fries? Still, those were my fries. My thought process was cut short by her reappearance, this time to the front of me.

She grabbed for my drink. This time I was not caught so off guard. I pulled it away and said “NO! I’m not done with that!” Then I even offered her the rest of my fries “I’m done with these if you want them.” She sorta shook her head and walked out the door. Then it hit me, she was special. Wow! I almost got up and kicked a slow hungry female vagrant’s ass in the middle of a restaurant. How narrowly I avoided an event I would have surely regretted for years.

I’m certain a year or 2 ago, I would have at least slapped her hand and verbally assualted her. I am perplexed at both the audacity of the vagrant and my ability to restrain my violence. I had genuine sympathy for her (which is against my nature). It’s funny, as I tell the story to people, people who know me, they all come back with “I bet you flipped out”. I don’t know what kept me from just going postal, but I didn’t.

Well, I feel safe posting this (cause I think she has already left the house and won’t have time to read this until after she actually gets the gift). I got the girlie a new computer. I hope she likes it. Her old one is… well… it is just painful. With her getting internet and whatnot, I thought she could really use a new computer to play with. I’m sure she’ll like it.

But something bothers me. I was picking up the Dell labeled boxes from the front desk and someone asked “You get a new computer?”

My response was a whimsical “Naw, finally broke down and got the girlfriend a new computer.”

To my dismay, the response was a sarcastic “How romantic.”

Then it hit me, would she have preferred something else? I mean, she has told me she wants jewelry, but honestly, that much money on jewelry? Short of a particular item, why would anyone spend that much money on something that one would wear occassionally as opposed to something that would get used daily. It makes no sense.

To make matters worse, I have been teasing her with a “surprise” for the last week or so. I have been taunting her, teasing her and otherwise torturing her with the knowledge that something was coming for her but she couldn’t know what it is. It has been killing her (which I have really enjoyed). But it also forces her to make guesses/assumptions on what it might be. What if she was expecting something like jewelry? Will she be disappointed by a new computer?

Anyways, here’s to hoping she likes it.

If you got 36 prostitutes and 30 cents in your pocket, what you got?

Proof that hos come a dime a dozen.

That line kills me.

Yes, I know v-day is upon us. It has been a tumultuous subject. I have found myself going back and forth about it. Then someone hit me with a revelation that brought my real issue with it to light. We were talking about plans for v-day a month or 2 back, and I was already getting aggrevated, when someone made the statement “why are you the one that has to plan it?”. I don’t know why, but I had never considered that before. To top it off, it was a female who said it.

So I relayed that to the little lady and she is on the chopping block for planning what we are doing this year. I have found myself actually looking forward to it.

I still can’t stand the idea of a day that force feeds us romance. If it doesn’t come naturally, it not really romance. Then again, I am looking forward to our plans, so I suppose I will have to bite my tongue on the subject, till next year anyways…