Today’s topic is an adult topic not for the weak stomached or easily offended, but is highly entertaining.
We have a couple new members who show up to lunch pretty frequently these days. The first one we shall call Mamacita. She went to a day spa over the weekend and was kind enough to invite my girlfriend. I had to listen to my little lady prattle on about it for what seemed like an eternity, but she really enjoyed it. And that’s what matters. Mamacita’s husband is our soon to be famous short stop for the Bad News BearingPointers (formerly recognized as the Albert Poo Holes).
The other new member is going to be called Jamie (pronounced “high-meh”). He chose this name, but I don’t know why. Oh well. I made up his pronunciation for the hell of it. Jamie started with the company a few months back but is a friend of Jalapeno and mine from gaming years prior to that. Ok, that’s enough background.
So Mamacita tells us today that she got a pricing manual from the day spa, with intentions of getting additional services from the spa. Though the details escape me on exactly how it came up, she mentioned the price of a Brazilian Wax. She said that my girlfriend had expessed ambiguous knowledge of said activity. To which Mamacita responded, “Ask Mike, he will know what it is.” Indeed, I do.
Well, invariably as conversations do at lunch, the topic quickly went down hill. Somehow ponderings lead to if these same services were offered for men. I don’t know how we get off in these tangents, but some how we do. Then question of what said service actually includes was brought up. For those that don’t know, a Brazilian Wax is the removal of almost or all of your hair in the nether regions. Traditionally for women, the Brazilian Wax is really about the backside. You can have a landing strip, small triangle or whatever shape suits your desire in the front (or nothing at all). The brazilian is defined by the lack of hair everywhere else in the region. And by region I mean all the way under and behind. Let me put this in layman terms for those that are having trouble visualizing it. You can have a small patch of hair above your pootie tang. Nothing beside it, nothing beneath it. Nothing around back, including between the cheeks. This is not an activity for the meek (so I can imagine).
Anyways, so we were talking about if this activity can be done for men and what it would involve. I mean, dealings of privacy are different down there for men and women. With women, even with an intimate waxing, there is still a bit of dignity. A bit of untouched privacy reserved for those who are selected by the owner. For guys, that’s it. When you are hanging out, that’s all you have to bring to show and tell. There is no deeper level of intimacy to share. So, are waxers, and I mean reputable ones, such as the ones as salons and spas, willing to do said activities for men?
What does a Brazilian for a man entail? I mean, ok, the back, gone. That is traditional for a Brazilian. The in-between region (here-to-in referred to as the taint) is a goner. Again, expected from a Brazilian. Even the region just beneath your waist-line is expected to be pretty much cleaned out. That’s all similar to a woman’s anatomy and so it is expected would be treated the same. But about the boys? Do they lose their winter coat as well? That is by far and away the most sensitive part of a male, and the level of pain associated with that would probably send most men into a new level of rage previously uthought of. That’s how guys react to strong pain. We get pissed. Well, we agreed someone should call and ask and then Mamacita suggested that us guys have a bet (on whatever, she wasn’t concerned about the bet, just what the loser has to do) and the loser has to get a Brazilian. I will be the first to admit I quickly turned down that proposal. The sheer idea of having someone literally rip the hair off my boys cost more than any possible benefit of a lunchtime conjured wager. No way. Tyrone hastily agreed that he was not volunteering for that one either. Then Ponch suprised us all.
“The way I figure, if you have a woman down there, then you are already there”, confided Ponch. We really didn’t have any idea what he meant by that, so we asked for clarification. “You know, once she’s down there, the hard part is over”, he reiterated.
“But she is down there because she is being paid for a service. She is not there just to play with your wang.” I retorted. Basically, Ponch felt that if a woman was down there, it was just a precursor to “sealing the deal”. Someone sure thought highly of himself.
“The woman waxing your taint will succumb to the power of your wang”, Jaime exclaimed!
Mamacita then semi-defended his statement. “Well, it’s not like they would rip and go. They would have to rub aloe on the affected areas. So she will be down there handling everything.” We all then agreed that “happy endings cost extra”.
Ponch chimed in. “I mean, she has to touch it if nothing else, to hold it out of the way.”
“What is… it”, I asked.
“It!” He emphatically claimed.
“Oh… your wang. After handling you, she will want to bask in the healing light of your wang.”
“Something like that…”
Someone sure is proud of himself. The conversation then waned into comparisons of strippers performing a service and not getting turned on by the task, etc, but to no avail. Ponch is certain his wang will convert all. And for his confidence in that, I have to give him credit. I am proud of my wang, but he has all but erected a statue in reverence. I salute you (with my hand, pervert).