craveytrain

Well, I have always thought of my job as being mutually beneficial for myself and society. The position I am in now is reasonably well paid. I feel that my work is a valid contribution to society (though not without adgenda). But it’s a means to an end right? I work on goverment portals and applications. The high road would say I am a champion of the people, fighting for their rights to less overhead more simplified communication with their goverment; to provide services available to the public that are at low cost to the government (and hopefully curtailing some of the goverment mismanagement of funds). The low road would say I am a code monkey who spits out code I’m told to put out and gets paid to do it. Truth be known, I’m somewhere in between. However, on the days where I’m feeling low about my job, it’s the feeling that I am doing good for the people that makes me feel better. That feeds into the idea I have of a good person who contributes back to society and helps re-enforce my feelings of being an aspiring good person. But every now and then, I’m shown something that makes my “contributions” pale in comparison.

My cousin is a great guy, as any of his friends/family will tell you. A lot of times, I find myself in a position where I don’t know how to react and I can count on him to be my grounding. He may not know this, but in a lot of ways, he’s my role model. He’s also a CSI for the county back home.

As a CSI, he’s seen some grizzly stuff. Occassionally he tells a story or shows a picture (providing that it’s something he can talk about). So I’ve seen some pics of suicide. I’ve heard stories of manslaughter and cold blooded murder. Then he sent me the pictures today. He asked me if I wanted to see some pictures. I should have known better. He said to make sure I wasn’t eating. Another chance to say no is passed by. I get the email, I open them and my jaw bounces off the floor as I witness the most grizzly thing(s) I have ever seen. I had to ask the story, and this is the conversation I had:

me: ok… WTF is that?
him: two dead ppl
me: well, no shit
me: story?
him: one in a bed and the other is on the floor
me: god damn that is some nasty shit… what is the story behind those?
him: dont know..we are still working on it…cant do autopsy…too much decomposition
him: you should have been in the house….I had a carbon mask on
him: STUNK
him: well gotta run to texas childrens hosp…got an 8 yr old sexual assault victim..lates

There are lots of things about that message that one can focus on. But the thing that it hit me with was 1) what he was going to have to deal with and 2) that he had delt with it so much that it didn’t phase him. I realize that is his job. He is supposed to be professional about it. It is in his best interest to remain emotionally detached from those types of things, but it really puts perspective on what I do.

I make web pages for the goverment. He gathers evidence to arrest people for crimes such as murder and sexual assault of a minor. Really makes you ask “what do I do for society?”